i need an iv and a liver transplant
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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