im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
