You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
