I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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