is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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