I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
