just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
