I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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