I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
What a dumb baby whore.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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