Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
