Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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