i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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