I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
