Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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