There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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