If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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