Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
