I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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