video games are the ultimate cock blocker
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
