Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize