Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
