I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
