stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
