I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
