God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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