my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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