I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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