remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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