Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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