I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
