she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
