Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
