I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
