Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
