the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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