It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
