Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
