every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
