Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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