i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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