i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
