I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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