FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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