god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
