just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
