"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
