Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
