I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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