Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
