i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
