You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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