No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
