Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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