so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
