we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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