I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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