Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
