just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
