does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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