it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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