i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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