If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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