New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
